It's been a really, really tough past few weeks. Besides the personal family issues that have made things difficult, there has been the visits with arthur and fibro to contend with. I mentioned before that my illnesses are made worse by the stress. I have had severe panic attacks in the past week that have left me unable to breathe. I know a lot of it is my fault. I shouldn't have let the individuals get that much of a rise out of me. I should have put up the walls before anything else happened. Unfortunately, I'm one of those people that has a good heart and will give a dozen chances before I say I've had enough. The most unfortunate thing now is that a part of my family is gone from me. Whether they believe it or not, it hurts me. Or maybe by admitting that fact, I've given them the satisfaction they need. I don't care anymore. All I know is that I've nearly not made it through.
Today I had my usual bloodwork for the coumadin therapy that I'm on. I was a little out of range - on the thin side - but I was honest about not eating much and having these incidents. The doctor has known me and my family for years so he understood. We decided not to change anything right now and see what happens in about three weeks. I also had to have blood taken to check my thyroid. I told him it'll be low because I have a hard time remembering to take the darn med. It's difficult because I can't take it with certain meds. *sighs* Ah well.
I was reminded today that I do matter. A blessed friend told me I had been on her mind and heart. She bought be a book of inspirations because she felt I needed it. For all the negatives that I have been through, I thought I had no positives left. I'm glad to be reminded that for every person who leaves my life, I have others waiting to help lift me up. Now all I can do is just move on with my life as well as love and support those who want to be in my life. I will not beg anyone to let me into their worlds. I have enough to worry about. So be sure to let those you love know what they mean to you.
Until next time,
Kay
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