~ Sharon Salzberg
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Quote of the Day
It doesn't matter how long we may have been stuck in a sense of our limitations. If we go into a darkened room and turn on the light, it doesn't matter if the room has been dark for a day, a week, or ten thousand years -- we turn on the light and it is illuminated. Once we control our capacity for love and happiness, the light has been turned on.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Quote of the Day
To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.
~ Anatole France
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Quote of the Day
The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.
~ Michelangelo
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Quote of the Day
Obstacles are those things you see when you take your eyes off the goal.
~ Hannah More
Friday, October 14, 2011
Quote of the Day
Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.
~ Helen Keller
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Quote of the Day
One of the most beautiful gifts in the world is the gift of encouragement. When someone encourages you, that person helps you over a threshold you might otherwise never have crossed on your own.
~ John O'Donohue
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Smile though your heart is breaking...
It's been a really, really tough past few weeks. Besides the personal family issues that have made things difficult, there has been the visits with arthur and fibro to contend with. I mentioned before that my illnesses are made worse by the stress. I have had severe panic attacks in the past week that have left me unable to breathe. I know a lot of it is my fault. I shouldn't have let the individuals get that much of a rise out of me. I should have put up the walls before anything else happened. Unfortunately, I'm one of those people that has a good heart and will give a dozen chances before I say I've had enough. The most unfortunate thing now is that a part of my family is gone from me. Whether they believe it or not, it hurts me. Or maybe by admitting that fact, I've given them the satisfaction they need. I don't care anymore. All I know is that I've nearly not made it through.
Today I had my usual bloodwork for the coumadin therapy that I'm on. I was a little out of range - on the thin side - but I was honest about not eating much and having these incidents. The doctor has known me and my family for years so he understood. We decided not to change anything right now and see what happens in about three weeks. I also had to have blood taken to check my thyroid. I told him it'll be low because I have a hard time remembering to take the darn med. It's difficult because I can't take it with certain meds. *sighs* Ah well.
I was reminded today that I do matter. A blessed friend told me I had been on her mind and heart. She bought be a book of inspirations because she felt I needed it. For all the negatives that I have been through, I thought I had no positives left. I'm glad to be reminded that for every person who leaves my life, I have others waiting to help lift me up. Now all I can do is just move on with my life as well as love and support those who want to be in my life. I will not beg anyone to let me into their worlds. I have enough to worry about. So be sure to let those you love know what they mean to you.
Until next time,
Kay
Today I had my usual bloodwork for the coumadin therapy that I'm on. I was a little out of range - on the thin side - but I was honest about not eating much and having these incidents. The doctor has known me and my family for years so he understood. We decided not to change anything right now and see what happens in about three weeks. I also had to have blood taken to check my thyroid. I told him it'll be low because I have a hard time remembering to take the darn med. It's difficult because I can't take it with certain meds. *sighs* Ah well.
I was reminded today that I do matter. A blessed friend told me I had been on her mind and heart. She bought be a book of inspirations because she felt I needed it. For all the negatives that I have been through, I thought I had no positives left. I'm glad to be reminded that for every person who leaves my life, I have others waiting to help lift me up. Now all I can do is just move on with my life as well as love and support those who want to be in my life. I will not beg anyone to let me into their worlds. I have enough to worry about. So be sure to let those you love know what they mean to you.
Until next time,
Kay
Quote of the Day
There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.
~ Edith Wharton
~ Edith Wharton
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
One more step
I honestly wish that my life would straighten itself out so I can get back to doing the things I love to do. I'm so sorry that this blog has suffered because of the personal things going on. I do not intend this place to be a blog about all the problems that I have to deal with. Yet a lot of them affect my arthritis and therefore, it's a part of the cycle. I'm hoping for calmer waters soon. The weather is starting to even out. I'm hopeful that will mean I can do my informative posts soon. For now, it's offline time to ready for a doctor's appointment.
Until next time,
Kay
Until next time,
Kay
Quote of the Day
If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.
~ Maya Angelou
~ Maya Angelou
Monday, October 10, 2011
Feelings
So, I'm still feeling tired and have a headache from the stress of yesterday. I honestly wish that life didn't have to be so darn hard. It's difficult to know how to deal with situations when you try one thing and find it doesn't work. When you try to do something opposite, it doesn't work. How exactly do you deal with that? I haven't found the answer. Don't know if there even is one.
I do know that no matter how hard I try, I still do something wrong. I admit that I used to just shut the person down if they were wrong - or if I thought them to be wrong. I have learned over the years to listen first, then process and finally deal with the situation. I play devil's advocate in any argument - even with myself. However, no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get anywhere with certain people. It's like that quote - "Can't please everyone all the time." All I do know for certain is that the stress of it all has made me feel sicker than usual. I've had a migraine since yesterday and it sucks. My back and neck have turned to stone due to the fibro knotting them all up. I literally had chest pains last night because of the anxiety. My frustration was just at an all time high because I thought I had gotten somewhere with a situation only to have it go back around to square one.
I'm not going to be stuck living my life by rehashing every wrong ever committed in my past. I have apologized to those people I've hurt and have moved on from that. I don't think the people in the situation last night realize that I have based my thoughts/feelings/opinions on what they did that day or that week. Not something that happened years ago. *sighs* Ah, well, you can lead a horse to water but can't make them drink. I was honest and open and it still didn't do any good. I think it's time to just stop focusing on those that continue to hurt and put that focus on the ones who love me and want to come around me.
Either way, I'm just not well today.
Until next time,
Kay
I do know that no matter how hard I try, I still do something wrong. I admit that I used to just shut the person down if they were wrong - or if I thought them to be wrong. I have learned over the years to listen first, then process and finally deal with the situation. I play devil's advocate in any argument - even with myself. However, no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get anywhere with certain people. It's like that quote - "Can't please everyone all the time." All I do know for certain is that the stress of it all has made me feel sicker than usual. I've had a migraine since yesterday and it sucks. My back and neck have turned to stone due to the fibro knotting them all up. I literally had chest pains last night because of the anxiety. My frustration was just at an all time high because I thought I had gotten somewhere with a situation only to have it go back around to square one.
I'm not going to be stuck living my life by rehashing every wrong ever committed in my past. I have apologized to those people I've hurt and have moved on from that. I don't think the people in the situation last night realize that I have based my thoughts/feelings/opinions on what they did that day or that week. Not something that happened years ago. *sighs* Ah, well, you can lead a horse to water but can't make them drink. I was honest and open and it still didn't do any good. I think it's time to just stop focusing on those that continue to hurt and put that focus on the ones who love me and want to come around me.
Either way, I'm just not well today.
Until next time,
Kay
Quote of the Day
Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed.
~ Corita Kent
~ Corita Kent
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Life
It sucks sometimes but that's the nature of the beast, right? Right now, I had been feeling good this morning and was going to do a big post. Unfortunately, with life comes stress. Stress makes PsA, Fibro and Lupus sooo much worse to deal with. Now I feel like curling up in my bed and not doing anything thanks in large part due to stress. Stress can come from a number of sources. But for now, I'll save it all for another day. Now I rest.
Until next time,
Kay
Until next time,
Kay
Quote of the Day
When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.
~ Harriet Beecher Stowe
~ Harriet Beecher Stowe
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Maybe...
Seems like I'm getting there. I don't really know if this flare is going to end soon or not. Maybe it will just have to be the new way of life for me. All I do know is that I'm ready for the tenderness and pain to stop so that I can get back to doing the things that I have left to enjoy. Even though I haven't been able to type much at one time, I'm still able to use my hands to work on my projects. It may take me a year but I'm doing them! PsA will not stop me. Just bear with me. I promise to work extra hard on posts in the near future. Until then, let me know in the comments what you'd like to see.
Until next time,
Kay
Until next time,
Kay
Quote of the Day
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
~ Mark Twain
Friday, October 7, 2011
Quote of the Day
Always be a first-rate version of yourself,
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
~ Judy Garland
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Quote of the Day
Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations.
I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty,
believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.
I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty,
believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.
~ Louisa May Alcott
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Grrrr...
Day four. *insert witty comment here*
Just kidding. In reality, I'm starting to feel a little bit better. The temps haven't dropped so low in the past couple of days so by the late afternoon/early evening I actually move. It sucks to wake up and not begin your day for two or three hours. What else can I do at this point? Make the best of it - which is what I'm trying to do. Thankfully I am keeping myself busy with other things even though I want to make all these informative posts for you. With PsA, the nature of the game is patience. So it will just give me time to do it bit by bit. Of course, I'm not a mega-patient person. Maybe a couple will pop up here or there.
It's supposed to be warm the next few days. Getting up to the mid 80s. That will let me do some things - maybe. Gah, feels like my whole life is a freaking maybe right now. These are the days that really start to get to me. I have to hang in there. I know that the day will pass and a new will bring different possibilities my way. Or maybe it's just the hope that it will. For now, I'm off to let my hands rest a little. Really been thinking about getting dragonspeak for the computer now that my left hand is pretty much turning into a lobster claw. I am struggling with the idea because it means the damned arthritis is winning in my mind. Yeah, I know that it's not really true but in my mind, it is. Patches has been feeling the weather shifting as well. He's been having dry skin itchies and his winter coat coming in isn't make it any better. Poor little guy. I think we're going to veg on the couch until it warms completely and then maybe a little outside time.
Until next time,
Kay
Just kidding. In reality, I'm starting to feel a little bit better. The temps haven't dropped so low in the past couple of days so by the late afternoon/early evening I actually move. It sucks to wake up and not begin your day for two or three hours. What else can I do at this point? Make the best of it - which is what I'm trying to do. Thankfully I am keeping myself busy with other things even though I want to make all these informative posts for you. With PsA, the nature of the game is patience. So it will just give me time to do it bit by bit. Of course, I'm not a mega-patient person. Maybe a couple will pop up here or there.
It's supposed to be warm the next few days. Getting up to the mid 80s. That will let me do some things - maybe. Gah, feels like my whole life is a freaking maybe right now. These are the days that really start to get to me. I have to hang in there. I know that the day will pass and a new will bring different possibilities my way. Or maybe it's just the hope that it will. For now, I'm off to let my hands rest a little. Really been thinking about getting dragonspeak for the computer now that my left hand is pretty much turning into a lobster claw. I am struggling with the idea because it means the damned arthritis is winning in my mind. Yeah, I know that it's not really true but in my mind, it is. Patches has been feeling the weather shifting as well. He's been having dry skin itchies and his winter coat coming in isn't make it any better. Poor little guy. I think we're going to veg on the couch until it warms completely and then maybe a little outside time.
Until next time,
Kay
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Hurt. Cry. Repeat.
Day three of flare. This is beginning to really get on my nerves severely. I know that I should be prepared for the weather changes. I mean, I've been here forever and know it's going to happen. But it just seems to catch me by surprise. Gah! I just hate being limited even more than I already am. I just want PsA, pain, fibro and all the others to stop taking stuff away from me. Without being said, I'm going to take a day away from the computer and try to rest my hands. Maybe that will be helpful to me getting back into the grove.
Have a great day wherever you are.
Until next time,
Kay
Have a great day wherever you are.
Until next time,
Kay
Monday, October 3, 2011
On it goes.
Day two of a really bad flare. Not too sure that it's going to ease up anytime soon. Our weather is going back into the warm temps which means that my body won't have time to adjust and will be inflammed more. Unfortunately for me, that means that I'll be hurting for a while yet. Yes, I have pain medication but when the pain is this constant, it's hard to get under control. Most often, I just deal with it and go on. It's one of the downfalls of not having what you need. That's just life.
I have noticed this morning that my left hand is starting to act like my right hand. The knuckle joining the middle finger to the hand has become the PsA's next target. I guess that means I'm going to end up with hands like lobster claws. Praying that it's just because of the flare and will go back to normal after the weather settles. We're supposed to have nice weather this week. I'm hoping I'll get to enjoy it some. Let's see, plans for the day. I'm going to spend a little while catching up some records for Ancestry.com as I try to help them key/review documents to be searched. It's a way to make myself feel useful nowadays. More than likely I won't be able to do a lot of them. I just think that every little bit helps. For the past couple of years, I've been really into working on my family tree. It's like a puzzle and the people are the pieces. Kind of fascinating to read some of the correspondences from over 200 years ago. Besides that, I'll probably just continue to crochet. I've got to get these projects done. Maybe I'll show them off once they're completed.
Hope today is a good one, dear reader, wherever you may be.
Until next time,
Kay
I have noticed this morning that my left hand is starting to act like my right hand. The knuckle joining the middle finger to the hand has become the PsA's next target. I guess that means I'm going to end up with hands like lobster claws. Praying that it's just because of the flare and will go back to normal after the weather settles. We're supposed to have nice weather this week. I'm hoping I'll get to enjoy it some. Let's see, plans for the day. I'm going to spend a little while catching up some records for Ancestry.com as I try to help them key/review documents to be searched. It's a way to make myself feel useful nowadays. More than likely I won't be able to do a lot of them. I just think that every little bit helps. For the past couple of years, I've been really into working on my family tree. It's like a puzzle and the people are the pieces. Kind of fascinating to read some of the correspondences from over 200 years ago. Besides that, I'll probably just continue to crochet. I've got to get these projects done. Maybe I'll show them off once they're completed.
Hope today is a good one, dear reader, wherever you may be.
Until next time,
Kay
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Owie
No big blog today at all. My hands are too stiff to let me type much right now. The temp dropped really low and is taking its time going back up today. So, I'm off to rest these fingers. Back to regular schedule tomorrow. I hope.
Have a great Sunday.
Until next time,
Kay
Have a great Sunday.
Until next time,
Kay
Quote of the Day
It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Welcome October!!!
Yep, this one's up a little late. I'm just taking it easy this weekend so I thought I'd put the posts up when I could. Today's been a lazy day for us here. The temperature dropped really low last night. I had to pile on the blankets on my bed. Didn't want to put the heat on unless we had to. That very well may be the case tonight as the temp is supposed to go all the way to freezing. Too cold for just blankets!! Other than that, I'm doing ok. Feeling stiff and swollen. I think that's mostly due to the weather right now. Nothing else has changed in the past few weeks.
Yesterday wasn't a very productive day either. The constant change has really thrown a wrench into my plans. Just as my body gets used to the colder temps, we get a warm front that makes it seem like summer again. After a few days, it's back to fall/winter. *sighs* Mother Nature, please deal with your menopause. It hurts so much otherwise. At any rate, I did manage to spend sometime just relaxing with my pup. We were actually able to play for a bit before my joints said that I needed to get up off the floor. Can't do that too often or I end up looking like a turtle who's flat on its back. I managed to work on my crochet and I'm hoping to get a few projects done before the end of the year. We'll see. I truly think that's becoming my motto.
Today is my day to try and get computer stuff done. My hands are letting me type and I'm going to make the best of it. When I can't, it's off to crochetland or bookland. Oh, let's be wild and say both. Yes, I know. It's all so exciting. I'm afraid to push myself to do too much because I know that if I do, I won't get out of bed the next day. Frustrating isn't the word for how I find it half the time. So, I'm off to finish my computer stuff. Hope you all have a great weekend. More informative posts to come next week!
Until next time,
Kay
Yesterday wasn't a very productive day either. The constant change has really thrown a wrench into my plans. Just as my body gets used to the colder temps, we get a warm front that makes it seem like summer again. After a few days, it's back to fall/winter. *sighs* Mother Nature, please deal with your menopause. It hurts so much otherwise. At any rate, I did manage to spend sometime just relaxing with my pup. We were actually able to play for a bit before my joints said that I needed to get up off the floor. Can't do that too often or I end up looking like a turtle who's flat on its back. I managed to work on my crochet and I'm hoping to get a few projects done before the end of the year. We'll see. I truly think that's becoming my motto.
Today is my day to try and get computer stuff done. My hands are letting me type and I'm going to make the best of it. When I can't, it's off to crochetland or bookland. Oh, let's be wild and say both. Yes, I know. It's all so exciting. I'm afraid to push myself to do too much because I know that if I do, I won't get out of bed the next day. Frustrating isn't the word for how I find it half the time. So, I'm off to finish my computer stuff. Hope you all have a great weekend. More informative posts to come next week!
Until next time,
Kay
Quote of the Day
It is foolish to postpone enjoyment of your ordinary life until you are more successful, more secure, or more loved than you are today.
~ Timothy Ray Miller
Friday, September 30, 2011
Simple smiles...
Those are often the best things to make one happy. I have been fighting for a long while now. We've been caught up as the rest of the country has in trying to make ends meet with whatever we have. It's been a long struggle. Truth be told, I wouldn't mind hitting the lottery right about now. Not so much for all the glitz and glam of being rich. I would rather have enough to make sure things were paid and that I wouldn't have to worry if my lights are going to be turned off or if we're going to have enough food to last the next three weeks. This is all just part of adult life. It's the kind of stuff that we didn't have to worry about when we were kids. We could just say we were hungry and something would be there. I still wouldn't trade this though. All my struggles are making me who I am.
I was reminded today of the simple pleasures that can make all the stress and worry slip away for a few minutes. Thankfully, laughter and love are still free and were present for me this morning. Not that they aren't here any other time. It's just that I have paid more attention to the important things like the people who really care about me, my caring for others in return, playing with my pup and just waking up in the morning. I could very well have none of those things at any given time. Strangely, I'm thankful to PsA for showing me the things that really matter. If it wasn't for PsA (and Lupus), I wouldn't have slowed down. I would have been racing alongside everyone else in the mad dash for that money. I would have missed out on some really good memories. So even though I hate the dang disease, I have to say thanks.
Today is a pretty chill day here. Not going to be posting a huge entry. I did have a couple of posts planned but I'm going to hold off on those until I can really sit down and concentrate. Good ol' Arthur has been making my mind foggy. When I think I've got it all set, something gets out of line. Just one of those things, I suppose. Not to mention the fact that it's supposed to drop down close to the freezing mark tonight. We're set to get our first frost of the fall/winter season. Almost time to dig out those sweaters and comforters. Almost. It also means that I'll have more difficulty doing things until the weather settles into being cold on a consistent basis. The up and down temps wreak havoc on my body because it can't get used to one thing or another. It's all confused. Okay, I'm pretty much that way anyway.
Patches and I will probably just sit today and veg in front of the tv. I'll probably do a bit of crochet or read. I have been neglecting work on my family tree. I may work on that. So many possibilities! But for today, I'll just it an easy day. Maybe something more exciting tomorrow. We'll just have to wait and see what happens. Hope it's an easy day for all you out there.
Until next time,
Kay
I was reminded today of the simple pleasures that can make all the stress and worry slip away for a few minutes. Thankfully, laughter and love are still free and were present for me this morning. Not that they aren't here any other time. It's just that I have paid more attention to the important things like the people who really care about me, my caring for others in return, playing with my pup and just waking up in the morning. I could very well have none of those things at any given time. Strangely, I'm thankful to PsA for showing me the things that really matter. If it wasn't for PsA (and Lupus), I wouldn't have slowed down. I would have been racing alongside everyone else in the mad dash for that money. I would have missed out on some really good memories. So even though I hate the dang disease, I have to say thanks.
Today is a pretty chill day here. Not going to be posting a huge entry. I did have a couple of posts planned but I'm going to hold off on those until I can really sit down and concentrate. Good ol' Arthur has been making my mind foggy. When I think I've got it all set, something gets out of line. Just one of those things, I suppose. Not to mention the fact that it's supposed to drop down close to the freezing mark tonight. We're set to get our first frost of the fall/winter season. Almost time to dig out those sweaters and comforters. Almost. It also means that I'll have more difficulty doing things until the weather settles into being cold on a consistent basis. The up and down temps wreak havoc on my body because it can't get used to one thing or another. It's all confused. Okay, I'm pretty much that way anyway.
Patches and I will probably just sit today and veg in front of the tv. I'll probably do a bit of crochet or read. I have been neglecting work on my family tree. I may work on that. So many possibilities! But for today, I'll just it an easy day. Maybe something more exciting tomorrow. We'll just have to wait and see what happens. Hope it's an easy day for all you out there.
Until next time,
Kay
Quote of the Day
It is only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on Earth and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it were the only one we had.
~ Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Fell on Black Days
Why, hello there. Nice elephant you have in the room. Yes, by that I mean the fact that many of my posts so far this week have been sort of downers. Even as I was writing them, I could tell that the depression was making it difficult to post without some negativity and sadness in the blogs. I did seriously consider editing them to make them more upbeat and happy-go-lucky. But I knew that it wasn't going to be a true representation of my life if I started editing out the parts that didn't seem positive all the way through. The end result was what has been posted and now this blog.
Anyone who has to deal with a chronic illness will go through bouts of depression. If someone claims otherwise, I think that they're not being honest with themselves. Depression is a tricky subject for people to be open about. No one wants to admit that they feel weak and they need someone's help. Men, especially, will either push the feelings down deeper and ignore them instead of reaching out for help. I think the stigma still attached to the word, "depression", haunts people of certain generations. Whether or not that's the case, it's a natural reaction to whatever disease you are battling against.
I've had several bouts of depression over the years. I went through the normal teenage angst years where everything was against me and life was so hard. If I had only known, right? When you're in the midst of something, it's sometimes hard to see the larger picture. Same thing with depression. I've had times when it snuck in and clouded everything before I knew what was happening. I couldn't see that it was a temporary situation. I just felt like at that point everything was over. Nothing else could make a difference. Other times, depression came down on me like a weight. I could literally feel something pushing down on me, making me feel like it was just pointless to do anything but walk away. Those episodes really scare me because my thoughts go into those very dark places. Sometimes I know what triggers the episodes and sometimes I have no clue whatsoever what happened. I know what has made me feel down this week. Not only has the weather been grey and gloomy here, but it's also been a week where my pain levels have been high. I also have been thinking of a very close friend who passed away just 2 years ago. She had RA but we shared a lot with each other over the 6 plus years that I knew her. In fact, I often call her my "second mom" as she would give me advice and guidance when I needed it most. Yes, often when I didn't ask for it. She just knew.
It's also coming up on the five year anniversary of my brother's death. Bill was just barely a teenager when he was diagnosed with Systemic lupus erythematosus. Unfortunately the disease chose to reside within his lungs. When he would have a flare, the lungs would rip apart and bleed. Basically he would be drowning on his own blood. Between the ages of 15 and 26, Bill was on life support over 19 times, had countless blood transfusions, and spent a large chunk of his life lying in a hospital bed. But (yes, yes, another but) he rarely lost his smile. He always seemed to have a joke or two ready to make another person smile instead of dwelling on his own pain. Even he had bouts of depression. There were a few times when he did throw his hands up and ask the very same questions I tend to ask today. Why do I have to go through this? What did I do to deserve a lifetime of pain, limits and frustrations? Is there anything out there that I can do now that I have lost who I was?
It took a while but he would come around and smile again. He would try to make up for the worry he caused even though he was told repeatedly that it wasn't necessary. We worry because we love. I try to follow his example in dealing with my bouts of depression. I let myself feel, rant, rave and cry. Then I take a deep breath and take that first step forward. Sometimes it's easy. Other times I can't seem to make my foot move. I have learned to reach out and lean on those around me who I trust. For me, focusing on a task that's simple and repetitive for a short amount of time can help draw my mind from the worries. If pain is making it difficult, I will try to lose myself in a book or with some mind-numbing tv shows. Anything to keep my brain from constantly focusing on whatever it is that has triggered the depression. This isn't something I learned quickly. It's taken a long time to redirect myself. Truthfully, there are times when it doesn't work as well as I want it to. But if I want to not take medication, I have to be gentle with myself and try my hardest.
So this week I have been working more on crochet projects and reading when I'm not checking in with my Facebook group or playing at Pogo. I know I'll make it through this bout and be ready to enjoy the good times. What are some things you, my readers, do to battle your depression? Either way, be gentle with yourself. Give yourself room to go through that dark valley because the light will come soon enough. Remember that you're never alone.
Until next time,
Kay
Anyone who has to deal with a chronic illness will go through bouts of depression. If someone claims otherwise, I think that they're not being honest with themselves. Depression is a tricky subject for people to be open about. No one wants to admit that they feel weak and they need someone's help. Men, especially, will either push the feelings down deeper and ignore them instead of reaching out for help. I think the stigma still attached to the word, "depression", haunts people of certain generations. Whether or not that's the case, it's a natural reaction to whatever disease you are battling against.
I've had several bouts of depression over the years. I went through the normal teenage angst years where everything was against me and life was so hard. If I had only known, right? When you're in the midst of something, it's sometimes hard to see the larger picture. Same thing with depression. I've had times when it snuck in and clouded everything before I knew what was happening. I couldn't see that it was a temporary situation. I just felt like at that point everything was over. Nothing else could make a difference. Other times, depression came down on me like a weight. I could literally feel something pushing down on me, making me feel like it was just pointless to do anything but walk away. Those episodes really scare me because my thoughts go into those very dark places. Sometimes I know what triggers the episodes and sometimes I have no clue whatsoever what happened. I know what has made me feel down this week. Not only has the weather been grey and gloomy here, but it's also been a week where my pain levels have been high. I also have been thinking of a very close friend who passed away just 2 years ago. She had RA but we shared a lot with each other over the 6 plus years that I knew her. In fact, I often call her my "second mom" as she would give me advice and guidance when I needed it most. Yes, often when I didn't ask for it. She just knew.
It's also coming up on the five year anniversary of my brother's death. Bill was just barely a teenager when he was diagnosed with Systemic lupus erythematosus. Unfortunately the disease chose to reside within his lungs. When he would have a flare, the lungs would rip apart and bleed. Basically he would be drowning on his own blood. Between the ages of 15 and 26, Bill was on life support over 19 times, had countless blood transfusions, and spent a large chunk of his life lying in a hospital bed. But (yes, yes, another but) he rarely lost his smile. He always seemed to have a joke or two ready to make another person smile instead of dwelling on his own pain. Even he had bouts of depression. There were a few times when he did throw his hands up and ask the very same questions I tend to ask today. Why do I have to go through this? What did I do to deserve a lifetime of pain, limits and frustrations? Is there anything out there that I can do now that I have lost who I was?
It took a while but he would come around and smile again. He would try to make up for the worry he caused even though he was told repeatedly that it wasn't necessary. We worry because we love. I try to follow his example in dealing with my bouts of depression. I let myself feel, rant, rave and cry. Then I take a deep breath and take that first step forward. Sometimes it's easy. Other times I can't seem to make my foot move. I have learned to reach out and lean on those around me who I trust. For me, focusing on a task that's simple and repetitive for a short amount of time can help draw my mind from the worries. If pain is making it difficult, I will try to lose myself in a book or with some mind-numbing tv shows. Anything to keep my brain from constantly focusing on whatever it is that has triggered the depression. This isn't something I learned quickly. It's taken a long time to redirect myself. Truthfully, there are times when it doesn't work as well as I want it to. But if I want to not take medication, I have to be gentle with myself and try my hardest.
So this week I have been working more on crochet projects and reading when I'm not checking in with my Facebook group or playing at Pogo. I know I'll make it through this bout and be ready to enjoy the good times. What are some things you, my readers, do to battle your depression? Either way, be gentle with yourself. Give yourself room to go through that dark valley because the light will come soon enough. Remember that you're never alone.
Until next time,
Kay
Quote of the Day
Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.
~ Helen Keller
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
And the Doctor Said....
Words. Just kidding.
I did go to the rheumatologist on Monday. We talked about how I was doing. While he was happy that nothing has gotten worse for me, he was hoping that things had improved. They didn't so I have things I need to work on such as getting more exercise, losing weight, blah, blah and blah. It's everything that I had been working on but stopped because I honestly was mega-depressed a few months ago. I'm not completely out of the depressed boat but I am working on it. We did the blood work but no x-rays this round. All in all, it was a good visit and I hope to improve before I see him again.
After the last couple of days, I've been doing some thinking about, well, everything. In going through all that I have wrong with me and trying to relate it to others through this blog, I have nudged some sleeping giants awake and they're not happy about it. Having an invisible illness of any kind will take a toll on the person. I don't care whether it's diabetes, lupus or PsA. You are being told by a medical professional that you have a disease that will limit you in so many ways or will take actions away from you. Yet, you look in the mirror and see that nothing's wrong with you on the outside. You look like the same as you were before you left for the doctor. Between that and hearing criticism from the people around you, is it any wonder why a person would feel as though their life sucked?
Thank goodness for the internet! In the past few years, there has been such an increase in the number of support groups, forums and even Facebook groups for people with any illness, injury or need. With the advancements in technology and the increased ease of getting online, reaching out to someone when you need them is so easy. I honestly remember feeling like I was all alone when I was first diagnosed back in the early 2000s. I didn't know a single person around me or anywhere close to me that had the same disease. I only knew people who had something similar. My grandma had arthritis in her hands. My brother, Bill, had lupus so we had a deeper bond based on invisible illnesses. These were the only people I could talk to outside of my doctor who understand a little of what I was going through. I felt so isolated and needed assurance that I wasn't the only out there, that I wasn't that rare.
After doing a bunch of searches on the internet, I came across a Yahoo! group that was at its heart a support group for people who were diagnosed or had symptoms similar to PsA. There aren't enough words to explain how deeply relieved I felt. Here was a group of about 20 people (20!!) who knew my pains and frustrations and who could lift me up when I needed it most as I tried to do the same for them. Imagine my surprise when I learned that there were people all over the world who have PsA and related diseases. I grew very close to quite a few of those people. Although I'm not very active in the group today, I do still keep the members in my thoughts and prayers. I have found a number of different forums (some unfortunately have closed) where members share my pain, frustrations and tears. It's been such a pleasure (in a weird sense) to find others out there. Of course, I can't forget about Facebook. That has allowed me to really connect with people all over who has PsA, Fibro, pulmonary emboli, etc. All you have to do is type what you're looking for into the search bar and presto! So many pages pop up for you! In this day and age, there's no reason to feel as though you are the only going through a tough time with your disease. Through the internet, it's possible to find someone to talk to at any hour of the day or night.
I'm grateful to have made the close PsA friends that I have. I'm excited to meet others although I'd wish painfree days for them all instead of this disease. Part of me is wondering what the next 10-15 years is going to bring. Maybe there will be a way to just press one button and be near the very person we're missing or need at that moment. Okay, maybe that's more Star Trek-y than I wanted but you get the idea. You may have an invisible illness. That does NOT make YOU invisible. We're out there waiting to help you down these roads. Reach out to someone whether here or through your doctor. These illnesses are definitely a bit easier to live through when you have a great support system. Just remember - You are not alone.
So, by now you've probably seen the quotes of the day. I'm going to make that a regular thing because I believe in the power of words. We all need a lift at times. This is just my way of helping however I can. I am planning on covering the other illnesses that I have in a few upcoming posts. There are a few in the works regarding some alternative treatments for PsA and Fibro. If there's anything you'd like to know more about or just general questions, please feel free to leave them in the comments. I'll answer them as best as I can. Thanks so much for taking the time to visit my blog!
Until next time,
Kay
I did go to the rheumatologist on Monday. We talked about how I was doing. While he was happy that nothing has gotten worse for me, he was hoping that things had improved. They didn't so I have things I need to work on such as getting more exercise, losing weight, blah, blah and blah. It's everything that I had been working on but stopped because I honestly was mega-depressed a few months ago. I'm not completely out of the depressed boat but I am working on it. We did the blood work but no x-rays this round. All in all, it was a good visit and I hope to improve before I see him again.
After the last couple of days, I've been doing some thinking about, well, everything. In going through all that I have wrong with me and trying to relate it to others through this blog, I have nudged some sleeping giants awake and they're not happy about it. Having an invisible illness of any kind will take a toll on the person. I don't care whether it's diabetes, lupus or PsA. You are being told by a medical professional that you have a disease that will limit you in so many ways or will take actions away from you. Yet, you look in the mirror and see that nothing's wrong with you on the outside. You look like the same as you were before you left for the doctor. Between that and hearing criticism from the people around you, is it any wonder why a person would feel as though their life sucked?
Thank goodness for the internet! In the past few years, there has been such an increase in the number of support groups, forums and even Facebook groups for people with any illness, injury or need. With the advancements in technology and the increased ease of getting online, reaching out to someone when you need them is so easy. I honestly remember feeling like I was all alone when I was first diagnosed back in the early 2000s. I didn't know a single person around me or anywhere close to me that had the same disease. I only knew people who had something similar. My grandma had arthritis in her hands. My brother, Bill, had lupus so we had a deeper bond based on invisible illnesses. These were the only people I could talk to outside of my doctor who understand a little of what I was going through. I felt so isolated and needed assurance that I wasn't the only out there, that I wasn't that rare.
After doing a bunch of searches on the internet, I came across a Yahoo! group that was at its heart a support group for people who were diagnosed or had symptoms similar to PsA. There aren't enough words to explain how deeply relieved I felt. Here was a group of about 20 people (20!!) who knew my pains and frustrations and who could lift me up when I needed it most as I tried to do the same for them. Imagine my surprise when I learned that there were people all over the world who have PsA and related diseases. I grew very close to quite a few of those people. Although I'm not very active in the group today, I do still keep the members in my thoughts and prayers. I have found a number of different forums (some unfortunately have closed) where members share my pain, frustrations and tears. It's been such a pleasure (in a weird sense) to find others out there. Of course, I can't forget about Facebook. That has allowed me to really connect with people all over who has PsA, Fibro, pulmonary emboli, etc. All you have to do is type what you're looking for into the search bar and presto! So many pages pop up for you! In this day and age, there's no reason to feel as though you are the only going through a tough time with your disease. Through the internet, it's possible to find someone to talk to at any hour of the day or night.
I'm grateful to have made the close PsA friends that I have. I'm excited to meet others although I'd wish painfree days for them all instead of this disease. Part of me is wondering what the next 10-15 years is going to bring. Maybe there will be a way to just press one button and be near the very person we're missing or need at that moment. Okay, maybe that's more Star Trek-y than I wanted but you get the idea. You may have an invisible illness. That does NOT make YOU invisible. We're out there waiting to help you down these roads. Reach out to someone whether here or through your doctor. These illnesses are definitely a bit easier to live through when you have a great support system. Just remember - You are not alone.
So, by now you've probably seen the quotes of the day. I'm going to make that a regular thing because I believe in the power of words. We all need a lift at times. This is just my way of helping however I can. I am planning on covering the other illnesses that I have in a few upcoming posts. There are a few in the works regarding some alternative treatments for PsA and Fibro. If there's anything you'd like to know more about or just general questions, please feel free to leave them in the comments. I'll answer them as best as I can. Thanks so much for taking the time to visit my blog!
Until next time,
Kay
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