Today is one of those half and half days. I do have the stiffness and overall achy feeling that is common for me in the fall months. I feel a bit of energy but I know that most of it is going to be spent getting ready to see my rheumatologist. I feel like it's a big ordeal and would so much love to just be able to do a phone appointment. I'd be like, "Yes, I'm still having trouble with this and this. X-rays? Don't need no stinking x-rays. Eww, blood work? Nah..okay then. Thanks for phoning in my meds and I'll speak to you in six months."
Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. Since PsA and Fibro work on the inside, there's not really much that he can just take my word for. So, no matter how awful I feel, I make myself go to the rheumy. It also helps that it's only every six months unless I have a lot of trouble with a particular joint. Then I pop in there but I tend to avoid doctors and reschedule for a number of reasons. One time I did talk to a therapist about it. She seemed to think seeing what my brother went through with his lupus and then my beginnings with PsA scarred me. I'd have to say she's probably right on the money with that one. I won't lie and say that there aren't days when I don't even want to get out of bed. Truth is, there are many days that I feel that way. The only reason I get up some mornings or do anything is because my dog, Patches, depends on me.
Even without scientific study data, I know from personal experience that my dog has made an extremely awful and painful day seem less of a burden. Somehow he senses that I'm not feeling at my best and he doesn't leave my side. If it's a particularly bad day, he'll lay beside me. He's like a little heater at times. When I lay on my side and he snuggles in the crook of my legs, it feels like a heating pad against my knees. I can be bawling my eyes out one minute and soothed the next by his lying next to me. Sometimes all I can bear to feel is the softness of his fur.
Patches gives me unconditional love and understanding. He doesn't give me scornful or skeptical looks whenever I say that I feel like a 100 ton mack truck ran me over, backed up and parked on top of me for 12 hours. He doesn't call shenanigans on me when I say I can't do a simple task like opening mail or letting him outside. He understands that I have days where he has to be inside with me (and yes, he's trained to go on his potty pads on those days). Most of all, he will sit by me and lick my hands when the pain gets to be too much. Yes, he does make me get up and move to get his food. He does make me play with him or pet him when he feels that he needs an attention fix. But he also will play quietly on the floor by my feet or beside me on the couch/bed whenever I can't do much. He's such a smart little guy.
Truth be told, he knows more of my deepest hurts than anyone close to me. I can tell him that I feel like I want to die on my bad days. He won't patronize me or berate me for thinking that way. He'll just let me get things off my chest and then I feel better. I honestly don't know what I'd do without the little one around. He makes me laugh, smile and happy when he does silly things. I don't think I can imagine life without him or any pet around for that matter. Whether it's a cat, dog, fish, bird or even snake, I believe that pets can bring us out of our funks and help us to maintain a positive outlook through the bleakest of times. I wholeheartedly would recommend having a pet or visiting with someone who does have one on occasion. If you can't, just go to youtube and watch some of the millions of pet videos that have been uploaded. Your heart will most definitely be lifted.
As for me, it's time to get ready for the doctor. And yes, I'm putting on my sunscreen. May each of you find a bit of joy in the day.
Until next time,
Kay
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